This is an initial post as a dumping ground for my initial impressions following a presentation/performance using repetition as a self-fulfilling format. The presentation was given alongside other students, each of us presenting research conducted in our programs. The presentations were 15 minutes each, followed by 15 minutes of feedback by guest reviewers and those in attendance.
While thinking about what research to share, I had the idea to make a presentation that was a mirror of itself, using the theme of my research—repetition—as the main structure for the presentation. I planned to write a short presentation and repeat it multiple times to fill the 15-minute time slot.
I tried writing the script multiple times, but I kept getting hung up on the specific information to share. I was also equally hung up on the decision to have slides or not, and if I did have slides, what to put on the slides that wouldn’t give away the joke of the repetition too quickly. The audience would recognize a repeated image or slide much faster than they would recognize that I had repeated information verbally.
After many many failed attempts at writing the script over a couple of weeks, I decided to go on a walk to think it through. Shortly into the walk, I realized that I should write about the walk itself. I go on this walk repeatedly to work through ideas or problems in my head. Why not talk about that repetitive walk as the main framework of my presentation?
Instinctually, I took my phone out to photograph banal moments along my walk to use as the slides, which solved that issue.
Once that decision had been made, the writing of the script went fairly quickly. The script came together in three main parts: the walk; Kierkegaard; and my programme approval. I debated a bit how short to make the script and how many times to repeat it. Once I started writing, I realized that I had too much information for it to only be one or two minutes. But I wanted a least five repetitions. This made an easy decision for me, to keep it to three minutes. The script is (and I’m writing this from memory, three weeks later):
I go on the same walk over and over and over. It’s just under two miles and in that distance I walk along the same sidewalk, past the same houses and trees. I hear the same dogs barking at me from their yards and see the same neighbors also out on their routine walks.
I go on this walk at least once daily.
The monotony of walking along the same path over and over gives the space needed for my brain to think and process and ideate, much in the same way as meditation. Thinking of repetitive acts as meditation in this way feels productive to me.
It’s the same repetition that leads to the comfort we find in endlessly rewatching the same tv shows despite countless hours of new content created for our entertainment. It’s the same repetition that causes the sun to rise each morning and set each evening. And it’s the same repetition that gets us to put one foot on the floor, and then the other, getting out of bed to start another day.
Life itself is monotonous and repetitive. But don’t get it wrong, repetition isn’t futile hopeless or tiresome.
My research project is focused on…oh wait, shoot, sorry. I tried to have this memorized, but I think my cards got out of order. Ooooone second. Ok, there we go.
According to Danish philosopher, Søren Kierkegaard, all life is repetition. This may sound bleak.
To Kierkegaard, repetition is best understood in its relation to recollection. Recollection and repetition are the same movement in opposite directions. Recollection involves reliving memories, always reaching for something unattainable. Repetition however, uses memore as a motivation to propel yourself forward into life, actively choosing to repeat the same things day after day.
My research project is focused on the deployment of repetition in visual arts. Through distilling my research questions and aims to their essentials for the programme approval, I have realized how basic and fundamental repetition is to all arts practices. Each choice to step into the studio is an act of repetition. Each repeated conversation working through a concept. Each repetitive mark made in a drawing. Each rehearsal. Each print pulled for an edition. Each exhibition opening seeing the same people drinking the same drinks at the same galleries. Repetition is at the very heart of the creative process.
It’s because of this repetition that (repeat) I go on the same walk over and over and over.
Some interesting things occurred when giving the performance. First, I was extremely nervous. I don’t usually get nervous public speaking or presenting, especially in a setting so casual. But the weight of the performative aspect of this presentation added nerves that are uncommon for me. These nerves shook me, causing me to shake and add many unplanned “umms” and “uhhs.” However, each time I repeated the three minute script, I got slightly calmer and delivered the information smoother and smoother. The benefit of repetition and practice was demonstrated in the moment as each repetition got a little better, until finally I fell into a flow and rhythm that was later commented on by the audience.
The “umms” and “uhhs” were also to my benefit in the end. While it felt like failures on my part, they made it more challenging for the audience to pick out flaws, as they weren’t sure what was fact and what was fiction. Because I had scripted in a flaw with the notecards getting mixed up, it made the audience question what was scripted and what was genuine each time an “uhh” was uttered.
The intentional use of the first sentence as a reiteration made it so that it wasn’t initially noticed that I had started over. The most perceptive audience members noticed when I talked about hearing dogs, as this was just odd enough to catch their ears. Most noticed though, when I messed up the notecards for the second time. The most interesting reaction though, was the audience member who was genuinely concerned for me. He was worried that I had lost my mind a bit and hadn’t realized myself that I had started my presentation over. It wasn’t until the notecard mixup that he knew I was intentionally repeating myself.
There’s a lot more for me to unpack in this, but I will leave these thoughts here for now, while this experience continues to bounce around my head until I’m ready to unpack those things.
